A new week means it’s time for a new challenge. Yes, it’s a French service challenge. The Fans and Faves teams divided into three teams each, to cook a French-inspired starter, main course and dessert for 20 guests, plus the three judges. In other words, they have to cook a starter, a main course and a dessert for two guests, and if they feel like it, they can do it for 20 other people, even if the opinions of these 20 people literally do not count. . Exceptionally, there is no elimination tonight: instead, the worst team in each course will have to do tomorrow’s mystery box to avoid elimination, while the best team in each course will be safe Tuesday’s pressure test. It’s confusing, but I’m pretty sure it will make sense in the end.
Of course, since this is a French challenge, the judges will also be French-inspired and incredibly rude to the cooks. It turns out that Jock is absent today due to illness, and it is therefore in his place that comes Shannon Bennett, the inventor of French cuisine. He will act as a mentor by walking around the kitchen making pointless comments throughout the challenge.
The teams begin to plan their lessons. Keyma says “bouillabaisse” and Daniel is already completely lost. The fan entry team decides to make steak tartare because they are too lazy to cook. Max draws a picture of a steak tartare to make sure everyone knows what he’s doing: the illustration is in many ways the most important part of cooking.
The kitchen becomes a hive of activity as the cooks run around collecting ingredients, pouring things from one bowl into another, and laughing hysterically as they suddenly realize the absurdity of human existence. The fan dessert team explains to Shannon that they have a very stupid idea. Shannon suggests maybe they should do something not stupid. The team thinks about this: although they want to take Shannon’s advice, they really believe in their own stupidity.
Shannon heads to the Faves dessert team, who are preparing a tasting plate: always a tricky thing to master, because getting the plate to taste the food without eating it all can be tricky. It’s all about forming your plate correctly.
On the Faves main course team, Sarah, who still maintains that she was on the show before, explains that as a big fan of Indian food, she is also a big fan of French food, France being , as everyone knows, the India of Europe. Today, she is going to cook a snail curry.
On the Fans entry team, Matt gave himself a lightbulb, and no one wants to know exactly how. Matt explains that because Shannon is in the kitchen, he really wants to make a good meal and beat the Faves. It’s quite different from Matt’s usual goal, which is to screw up a bunch and lose. “To me, steak tartare is the epitome of French cuisine,” says Matt, contradicting Sarah who thinks real French cuisine should involve naan.
In the main Faves team, Minoli, Sashi and Christina prepare a lamb navarin, which Sashi says is a “celebration of vegetables and meat”. This could be a problem, as the challenge actually requires them to prepare food. Shannon notes that the team cooks the dish in one pot and casually lets them know that only deeply broken people do it, before walking away.
“This food is for peasant hovels!” Shannon screams and kicks the favorite’s stack of pressure cookers. “These people came to eat food at the restaurant!” #MasterChefAU
— Luke (@Rakuli)
May 1, 2022
Return to the Fans’ dessert station, where Montana explains that they have many ingredients. In fact, the ingredients are too many, so they get rid of them, which makes them worry that the dish is too simple. Looking at each other for a long time, they realize that they have wasted their lives.
As service draws closer and Shannon continues to wander the kitchen telling everyone they suck, diners arrive fully expecting a meal they don’t have to pay for.
Meanwhile, Max attempts to place egg yolks on the steak tartare without breaking them, a task for which he is vastly underqualified. In case of failure, all is lost, because a tartare needs an intact egg yolk, for reasons that no one wants to divulge.
You place raw egg yolk on barbed wire. Waddya is waiting 🤣 #MasterChefAU
— squashie (@pubsquash)
May 1, 2022
“We want to see food flying off this pass in five minutes!” Andy yells, questioning his understanding of how a professional kitchen works. Meanwhile, Sarah puts the finishing touches on her cute korma and makes the shocking revelation that Aldo has been there the whole time.
The judges sit down to eat. Andy explains the rules of the challenge to Melissa, who is shocked. They eat the Fans’ steak tartare, which is quite good although obviously not as good as already cooked meat. They eat the Faves entrée, which is delicately cooked salmon until raw. The judges cut the fish, causing a ball of fire to streak through the kitchen, destroying everything in its path.
After a commercial break we come back and they cut the fish again. According to a rule about fish that some weirdo came up with a thousand years ago, that’s how fish should be, so that’s fine. Melissa can call it “silky”, which is her favorite thing to do in the world.
As everyone involved with the show adamantly refuses to care whether or not the public diners like the food, something is horribly wrong with the Faves’ dessert. The cream batter isn’t thick enough, which is more than you can say for the Faves dessert team. Meanwhile, Montana tells the Fans dessert team that they have to trust their instincts, proving she knows nothing about it. Chef.
The main course is imminent, and as Minoli whips out her peas and Sashi strains her liquid until badly bruised, Shannon urges the fans to use more butter, secretly trying to murder the judges. Dan pulls his fish out of the oven, only to find that unbeknownst to him, he actually doesn’t know how to cook fish.
It’s time to dress up the lamb navarin, and Minoli is nervous, wondering how they’re going to take the dish from a home-style dish to a restaurant-quality dish. Suddenly, it hits her: she’s going to overtax her. All is well. Sashi states that the sauce is thick and shiny, and he immediately enters a dog show.
After several days, the main course is served to the judges, while the other diners receive Hungry Jack’s. According to Andy, the Faves’ lamb navarin could have been slightly tart, but look who’s talking. Melissa admits it’s elegant to look at, so the taste doesn’t really matter.
Fans serve their barramundi en papillote, which in French means “barramundi swallowed by a butterfly”. “Wow,” says Melissa, “beans are amazing,” which is almost certainly a lie considering beans are, you know, beans. She says “silky” again, so it’s definitely a dish winner. Andy says “silky” too: Fans made their mash so silky it’s practically a Persian kitten.
After about an hour of people watching their desserts, the desserts are finally served. First the Faves, who made a macaron, a lemon pie and a choux pastry, which are very good indeed, but the base of the pie is a little blonde which the judges do not like because of racism. The Fans serve their dessert, a brown disc with red stuff on it. The judges love it and think it’s silky smooth. It’s also both bitter and acidic, which is exactly what you’re looking for in a dessert: everyone hates sweets at the end of a meal.
Judgment hour. The Faves beat the Fans as a starter because their salmon was simple. Fans beat the favorites in general because the flavors of the favorites didn’t jump off the page and Melissa thinks the food is a book. And fans also beat dessert favorites as Shannon told them what to do.
Thus the three winning teams are safe from elimination, while the three losing teams must tear each other apart in a wild way to avoid a fate worse than death: returning to their families.