The White House’s Thanksgiving Day menu leaked and you won’t believe what was left out

As everyone knows, the president makes a point of “forgiving” a few turkeys each year. This year is no exception.

(Fun fact – President John F. Kennedy was the first to pardon a bird sent for dinner by the National Turkey Federation. After being handed a turkey with a sign that read “Good Eat, Mr. President,” Kennedy responded with The LA Times calling the act a “presidential pardon.” NPR’s annual Thanksgiving turkey. George HW Bush then made the action a formal event.)

Whoever didn’t make the cut, or who did, was baked with a crisp, herb-rubbed crust.

Solid centerpiece. If you’re going to build a team around one element, this is it. Thyme goes hard in the fucking paint. It’s not one of those herbs that just sit there and look good, but don’t show up in the box score. It is spicy on the nose and taste buds. Not too potent like rosemary, but not easy to overlook like oregano. A little goes a long way. And don’t forget the sidekick pearl onions. Pearl onions are one of the unsung heroes of the culinary game. Garnish for a nice Gibson, a great complementary ingredient for potatoes and meat. Overall a solid first choice.

2- Grandmother Jacobs Savory Stuffing

It was the First Lady’s family recipe and I wanted to hit it but after analyzing the ingredients, it’s difficult. Sounds pretty damn legitimate-

My grandmother’s secret ingredient for her stuffing was stale Italian bread to soak up the broth, and Trisha’s grandmother used savory for a nice crunch. On the show, we concocted a combination of our two family traditions!

There’s Trisha, Trisha Yearwood, country music star and wife of Garth Brooks.

Personally, I would switch with Ritz Crackers over savory, because you’d get the same crunch but with the added bonus of butter, but that’s just me. (Fun fact – some of the restaurant’s best meatball recipes include crushed Ritz crackers instead of breadcrumbs).

Real Italian bread plays. Stouffer’s all day, but once you have a good homemade stuffing you can’t go back.

3- Classic Turkey Sauce –

Duh. (we’ll get to that at the end)

4- Roasted autumn vegetables

Fat people will shame this choice, but give me a good root vegetable, lightly roasted with olive oil, sea salt and shallots (the chef’s magic weapon) all day, every day. . Were talking –

  • Carrots
  • Sweet potatoes
  • yams
  • Parsnip
  • Turnips
  • Brussels sprouts
  • Butternut squash
  • Acorn squash

It’s a row of murderers. And the best part is, you don’t really need to do anything to them other than roast and lightly season them. They do all the work themselves.

Big choice.

5- Sweet potatoes, kale and button mushrooms

Look, Rachel Ray is my girlfriend. I fucking love him.

But what is this ?

This recipe comes from DEEP DEEP in her playbook. I bet even she didn’t remember that she made this one.

So why is the White House on Thanksgiving ???

If you go for sweet potatoes, you go either marshmallow or brown sugar, or nothing. None of those green superfoods and mushroom caps that look like the head of a penis bullshit.

Terrible choice. I can feel that things are starting to fall apart.

6- Cranberry Taste

Yah, the wheels officially come off.

What is this garbage?

It looks like crappy Mexican restaurant salsa. I feel like the guys from the old Pace commercials,

I know my fellow New Englanders want to throw their computers through the wall watching that cranberry sauce abortion. It’s maddening because why fix something that isn’t broken?

You have two choices when it comes to cranberries for Thanksgiving.

Either you strive to buy or you make real stuff.

It’s actually easier than you might think.

Or, you buy the preserves, honor the tradition, and participate in the universal surprise of how something that looks so bad can taste so good.

Giphy images.

7- Apple pie

We’re already into the desserts, which means that was it for the sides. A little pathetic if we’re being honest. When I think of the White House expanding, I think lavish, sideboard-like, with three or four different styles of everything. The leftovers go to the staff.

Shutterstock images.

Apple pie is a solid and safe choice. Especially if you go for the Dutch style with the added cinnamon and the layered top.

8 – Pumpkin pie

I’m in the camp that doesn’t get the hype around pumpkin pie. It’s not bad. I wouldn’t get him out of bed. But if it’s as good as all pumpkin pie die-hards like to exclaim, then why don’t we ever see it at another time of year? It’s strictly a Thanksgiving thing and if it wasn’t we would never hear his name. To each his own, however. It’s a Thanksgiving staple and must therefore be on the White House menu. Which brings me to the point of this blog, to come …

9 – Coconut cream pie

Show me a man who pretends he doesn’t like a good cream pie and I’ll show you a liar.

10- Chocolate chip ice cream

The President is known for his love of ice cream, so no surprises here. Would I have gone for regular vanilla, or vanilla bean here, to pair with warm apple pie? Yes, but what do I know?

That’s it. That was the menu.

Do you notice that something is missing?

If you said mashed potatoes, good for you. You are American.

Giphy images.

Giphy images.

How the hell don’t you serve mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving?

Giphy images.

I’m not an expert like the rest of the Chicago brain trust, but they agreed

I don’t hate sweet potatoes at all. I love them. But you can easily do both. Sweet potatoes have consistency, taste, etc.

There is no comparison to good Yukon Gold, mashed, with lots of butter and cream or milk. Garlic if you really want to be chic but not mandatory.

And you know what’s the craziest part of it all?

Did they have gravy on the menu?

So what did they do, use it strictly for Turkey? The sauce doesn’t pair with anything else on this menu. This is why the mashed potatoes were so imperative.

Just a total abomination. Not even angry with the head of the White House either. You know it was 100% FLOTUS to think too much and try too hard.

ps – not nitpicking, but how can you not have Parker House rolls, croissant croissants or Hawaiian Kings rolls served on Thanksgiving? Nothing better than wiping the plate clean with the bread.

pps – this minx Martha Stewart ditched what might just be the best Thanksgiving Leftover Sandwich recipe ever

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